Monday, January 24, 2011

The Boy Who Asked For A Blow Job

The title says it all, he asked for a blow job. And that too on the very first date. Any guesses what I gave in return?

A big F*ck You right in his face. I literally stormed out of the mall by the time the whole fiasco came to an end. I had absolutely no idea where this date would lead. But if I was certain about one thing, it was that I am not getting down on my knees for him. No way, no how!

It all started out innocently enough, I was browsing as usual through various profiles and messaging those that interested me. I won't say I'm a snob, but even I have certain criteria that I do want the other person to have otherwise I really don't bother with him. All I ask for is a nice guy with a decent background who is educated with average looks - and I do mean it!

To be fair, I was the one who contacted him first. I thought he was a nice and he knew English, that puts him a level above the last guy I met. I asked him if he was interested in us getting to know eachother and then perhaps meeting sometime soon. He noticed that I am looking for a relationship and made it clear that he's not looking for one.

His loss!, I thought. LOL!


Just kidding! I told him that while I would like to be in one, I'm not looking for one. If the right guy comes along, I may consider it. Otherwise I'm very happy being single and ever ready to mingle. He had no objections. We added each others to our messengers. We must have chatted about five times before we decided to meet up. He was quite average looking but he seemed like a nice guy, so I stayed in touch. I think it was our third or four chat, when he asked for my picture.

Being the super-closet freak that I am, I decided not yet. He didn't seem to like my reply and logged off. This turned me off him and I decided that maybe he's not worth it after all. Yeah, he's a nice guy who is fluent in English but I'm not comfortable to that level where I can exchange face pictures and phone numbers.

He messaged me a few days later that he doesn't like guys who spend hours chatting but hesitate when it comes to exchanging pictures and meeting. I told him that I do not hesitate meeting or exchanging my pictures with the other guy, but only when I feel that I can trust him. In the end, I showed him how I looked. But if he was interested in meeting, he would have to wait a little more. He was fine with it. And so we met a week later.

When I first saw him, I almost did a double-take. He came dressed in all white. From his button down shirt to pants to his shoes. Somebody certainly got their 'Color of the Season' palette messed up. I felt like I was dating a 60 something man rather than a 20 something guy. What made it even worse was that people around us were staring at him. Really not cool!

We were walking around the mall but I couldn't help shake the feelings that everybody was looking at us. I suggested that we go to the topmost floor where there are lesser people. He didn't mind, so we took the escalator up. I was still fixated on his clothes. Didn't anybody have the nerve to tell him how crazy he looked?

Guess not!

As we started talking, our topic shifted to guys we find hot. We were leaning over from the top most level and looking down on the eye candy that was being offered. It was actually quite decent!

"What qualities do you like to see in a man?", he asked.

Is it just me or do people ask these questions when they would like to know how well they measure up against the person they're dating's ideal choice?

"I'm not quite sure myself yet, but if could pick qualities they would be a strong work ethic, somebody who would be a good father and into socializing." I told him blandly. It's true! I really don't know what I want right now, that's why I am dating guys. "What about you?"

"Someone who knows how to give a good head!", he exclaimed.

"What?!" I was totally surprised. "So you would get into a relationship with a total loser just because his blow job is the best in the world?!"

"Who ever said anything about a relationship?", he defended. "I'm just saying a guy who gives a good head is worth tagging along." Okay, so maybe I read the question wrong! It could have been my fault. "Also if he drinks my cum, he's pretty solid in my books!"

I almost vomited a little but since I was on the top most floor and there was absolutely no place to spit it out, I'm glad I didn't. I'll be honest, I have only sucked one cock up till now and that too about only three to four times. So I'm no expert on blow jobs, but no matter how much I love my man I will never ever swallow his man juice. No way! No how!

I tried changing the topic, but he started telling me about how he met this guy once at this very mall and he gave him a blow job in the wash rooms. Eww! Seriously?!

"Have you ever given a blow job?", he asked.

"I'm sorry but that's none of your business!" I replied and demanded that we head on to the food court so I can eat something and quickly get over with this catastrophic date. So were standing in front of One Potato Two Potato, he leans into my ear and whispers "The washroom are just over there! Can you blow me?"

I was furious. I'm not some cheap hooker that you can take into a corner so you could stick your dick in my mouth. As furious as I was, I wasn't letting him go without a little revenge. I smiled and proceeded to go the washroom with him. "You go inside the cubicle furtherest down the hall and I'll join you as the coast clears. Wank a little so you're already hard when I get there!" I said with a smile.

"Great!", he responded and went inside. As soon as he got out of sight, I bolted as fast as I can out of the mall and never looked back. I admit when I reached my car, I imagined him sitting in the cubicle all hard waiting for me to come in and start sucking. It's just you and your hand tonight!


And did I have a great time laughing over it! I swear this is one tale I'd be telling for a very very long time! 

24 comments:

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT832 said...

OMG what?!? I would have pretended to give him one, and right before he's expecting me to put my mouth around his tip....I would flick the shit out if his pee-hole...trust me, it hurts like hell!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Falen

LOL! Probably...but I'd rather not risk given that it's Pakistan and how homophobic the society is....escaping with him having a hard-on was the best way to go!

Jai Verma said...

That was bizarre!

Sebastian G. Oliver said...

That was a most interesting ummm, 'date!" I have to be admit, I did get the best laugh about him being dressed in all white, it made me think of two things, that he was a virgin or didn't know the fashion rule of not wearing white after September!

But, although, I'm not the sex first date type, if, he were really, really, handsome, I may not have given him the blow job of his life, but, would have wanted to see just what he had to offer LOL!

Samuel Khan said...

Served him right ! Gotta add that ya notion to make himself hard a bit with hiz own handz waz the cherry on the cake ! How friggin insane people r these dayzzz !

*sighs !

Imagine hiz furrustation waitin in there for u to give him a head ! He...'ll b bangin his head in there for sure !

Kudoz to u Phunk :D

All white ! Lolzzz he wud've been grabbin so much attention ! :D
A clear case of match much ! All black n I wud've been singin a different tone all together . . . :)

Phunk when do I get to date u ? ? ? :D

Aaron Khan said...

I LOVED the ending of dis fiasco. u go boyfriend! (dats how they say it rite? "u go girlfriend!"):P i so wish there ws a camera recording d poor chaps face!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Jai Verma

Bizarre yet truly awesome! :D

@ Sebastian G. Oliver

Virgin? Hmmm...I kind of doubt it! He had a few nude private pictures up for viewing so I doubt that! ;)

I would admit that thought did cross my mind, but then it would have been harder to escape!

@ Samuel Khan

LOL...totally...that's what you get for messing with the man! ;)

All black would have still been better! It's winter so going for an all dark ensemble just may work!

@ Aaron Khan

Hahaha...yes, that is sort of how they say it! However I think it's only amongst girls...bt who cares?! Say anything u wanna! :)

Raj said...

For a moment I was thinking What's wrong with white,Its summer after all even though ALL_WHITE might be just a little over the top but nonetheless.And then *snap* I came back to reality while reading the comments that we live in different hemispheres.
Oh,, I really don't know how some guys can be so condensing and ask you for a blow job like you are some cheap whore.Its worse when the gay ones do it.But whatever you did served him right.I wish I could have seen your expression when you were leading him on and trying to send him to the washroom.
But see,as you date you go through so many experiences.Kudos to the new dating-phunk. :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Raj

I quite can't explain how my face was at that time...like I was mad that he asked me such a thing..bt i was happy tht I'm getting a chance to take some solid slap-back revenge...and lastly i was trying to control my laughter at the same time! :p

Go figure!

M@rvin said...

Raj, dressing in all white is very, very reminiscent of Mithun Chakraborty and Govinda LOL! If you're too young to know who they are, look them up. :)

Phunks, he didn't tip you off when you were chatting before meeting up? That's mean, I like guys who are upfront about what they want, whatever it is!

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

OMG! OMG! I totally thought that exact same thing...but I thought of Rishi Kapoor instead! :p

No, we didn't talk about blowjobs in our chat sessions....soooo I was like caught totally off guard!!

Our chats were totally ordinary...discussing movies, music, college stuff...nothing sexual!

M@rvin said...

LOL @ Rishi Kapoor! He was a horrid dresser too. I didn't think of him first 'cause he has so many other things wrong with him - that dumb face, that horrible voice, the overacting, yuck! If 'Bobby' was a hit, it was only because Dimple Kapadia dropped her clothes in that one scene. :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ M@rvin

Roflmao....is he really that bad?

Hadi Hussain said...

Hahahaha seriously man that's what happens at times. There's a stalker who texts me occasionally and right after "hi how are you?" asks "Can we have sex plz??" i have disciplined him several times but to no avail. People think that just like a commodity everyone is available and ready to comply to their fucking dreamy demands. Morons!

Phunk Factor said...

@ Hadi Hussain

I got a few stuck on me too from MJ! Guys who I thought would be decent but turned out to be complete duds!

Thanks fr dropping by! :)

Hadi Hussain said...

Nae he wasn't from there, basically a queer friend asked me to help him out coz he had no queer friends(and as an activist it was my moral duty :P) and rest is history.

Phunk Factor said...

@ Hadi Hussain

I don't 'hitch' people - ever! I simply direct them to my source and wish them the best!

Hadi Hussain said...

hahahaha how generous and altruistic :)

Phunk Factor said...

@ Hadi Hussain

Perhaps...but I do not want to loose my good friend cuz of a douchebag!

Hadi Hussain said...

Agreed, that's what i did! although i gave her a proper nagging, lols

Phunk Factor said...

@ Hadi Hussain

Hahaha....i feel bad fr her now!

Hadi Hussain said...

hahahaha me too :)

*Clink* said...

Wicked..! Wicckkeedd wayy! But, yeah.. Solutions like these come to your rescue when you are trapped. And, I liked the way you phrased the words asking him to wait for you! Kudos to you, man! ;-)

Phunk Factor said...

@ *Clink*

Yeah...my creativity is fueled by Adrenaline! ;)